Jul 30, 2009

Not Quite 101 Uses for A Petrified PC

As Qualar wandered the dank dungeon alone, he could almost hear the call of the ancient magical treasures surely contained within. He skulked along the walls like a rat, peeking into the room with caution. But the pull, the promise of great power was too much. He entered. . . and came face to face with a basilisk.

Several hours later when the party found him (for Qualar wasn't going anywhere now) they began to wonder what they would do with a petrified party member.

A long (long) time ago, I started working on an article based on a real-game event (real-life sounds strange when talking about imaginary characters). I wanted to come up with 101 uses for the PC after he was petrified, but ended up falling short.

  1. Use him as the figurehead of a boat
  2. Use him as a decoy
  3. Use him as a pole to hold up a tent
  4. Use a reduce spell to turn him into a finely detailed figurine
  5. Use a reduce spell to turn him into a bullet for a sling/staff sling
  6. Shatter him into pieces (and thereby destroying any chance of returning him to normal) for a bunch of bullets for a sling/staff sling
  7. Use him in a catapult (again, the chances of returning him to normal after this are slim)
  8. Tie a rope or chain to him and use as a boat anchor
  9. Display as art
  10. As a person always willing to listen to your problems, and never trying to get a word in edgewise
  11. If the character was good enough to get petrified while holding a sword, he or she can be used for dueling/fencing practice
  12. Use as cover from ranged attacks
  13. Use as a clothing/armor mannequin
  14. As a conversation piece ("Did I ever tell you the story of how he got this way?")
  15. As the perfect painters model ("Now just hold that pose!")
  16. As a scarecrow
  17. For display in a rock garden, especially appropriate if he was a gnome
  18. Grind him into a fine powder; the dust can be thrown in opponents eyes
  19. As a perch for birds
  20. With a stone shape spell, he can become the cornerstone of a new building, hopefully dedicated in his honor
  21. With a permanent levitate spell and a piece of string, he can be a balloon
  22. Hollow out the insides to create a secret hiding place
  23. ...and if filled with candy and toys, a pinata!
  24. Paint him pink and use him as a cheesy lawn ornament.
  25. Wrap him in fur and let the ranger's pet use as a scratching post
  26. Shrink and use as a bracelet charm
  27. or an earring
  28. or as a door knocker
  29. or a necklace
  30. or a Christmas tree or other festive ornament
  31. or as a chess piece (Khas if you're a Dragonlance fan)
  32. or use in a role playing game (he could be his own mini!)
  33. To prove the theory of gravity (the larger broken pieces could be used again and again to verify this theory)
  34. With a permanent stone shape spell, he can be play-do
  35. Use as a battering ram
  36. Use as a very large candle holder
  37. Use as a paper weight
  38. Properly modified, he could be a bobbing head ornament
  39. Shrink and place into a glass bowl filled with water and silver shavings to make a "snow globe"
  40. Use as a door stop
  41. Use as a barricade
  42. Use as a coat and hat rack
  43. Use as a giant sharpening stone
  44. Use as a coat and hat rack
  45. Use as a weapon (club or sap)
  46. Use as a lasso practice target
  47. Use as a permanent torch with a Continual Flame spell
  48. Reduce, hollow out and add holes in his head to create a salt or pepper shaker
  49. Lean on it's side, a bench
  50. Use as a warning alarm with a Magic Mouth spell
  51. As the recipient of a Stone to Flesh spell, but who'd wanna do a thing like that!
So here's my list... if you have any suggestions, add a comment and maybe together we can finally finish this list...